u2october's Diaryland Diary


Dangling Carrots and Giving Up

The kids have been over at my in-laws for a few days now doing "Grandma's Summer Camp" as they do each summer. Things have been a little awkward with just me and Jess here at the house. This is mostly because she thinks she is pregnant and has made it extremely clear that she will be very disappointed if I end up being the dad.

I'm not sure what to do if Dan ends up being the dad. I don't want to live apart from my kids, but I'm not ok with Jess and Dan trying to move my kids in with them and Dan's son and their shared kid(if he is in fact the father). This whole situation just has me really depressed. Every time Jess and I are together, she has this look on her face that says, "I wish I were with Dan and not you."

I wish I could just figure out exactly what I have done that is so terrible. I'm by no means a perfect person, but I could have given up a lot of times earlier in our relationship when things were tough. I just don't get why she's buying into this dangling carrot he keeps snatching away.

I go tomorrow to get my MRI to see what is going on with my pancreas. It feels a little better today, so we'll see.

Nowhere to go but up...or sideways.

:end transmission:

11:40 - 07.27.23


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