u2october's Diaryland Diary

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12 Steps of Deconstruction

I did sort of an odd thing this evening. I wrote and sent a letter to Adelle. For anyone who hasn’t been following this journal since 2001, Adelle was my wife from 2004-2006. We haven’t spoken since 2007, so she would be well within her rights to kindly tell me to piss off, but I guess we’ll see.

I decided to send her the letter because I’ve had some realizations through the course of
this book and felt the spirit(count it Ryan lol) tell me that I should send a few of these.

Here’s what I sent:

Adelle,

I know I might be the last person you expected to hear from in the year 2025, but during the course of writing a book about my experiences growing up and then leaving the church in which I was raised, I felt like I needed to reach out to express a few things that time has taught me.

First, I hope life is treating you well. I was saddened to learn about your mother’s passing. She was a gem of a person and was always so kind and loving to me.

With the passing of several years, this long and winding road of deconstruction, and especially through the writing of this book, I have realized just how much emotional baggage and really crazy shit I brought into our relationship. I am able to understand now just how much religious trauma I unknowingly let influence and affect our time together. For that, I want to offer a sincere and unequivocal apology.

When we met and were together I was just beginning my deconstruction journey and you dealt with a lot of things that you didn’t ask for or deserve. With the benefit of the lens of time, I can fully appreciate the emotional burden I placed on you and want you to know that while it is something that I can’t change, I can recognize it and say that I am truly sorry.

I do want to tell you how appreciative I am for the positive influences you had on the course of my life. I would not have enrolled in college and succeeded if you hadn’t encouraged me and helped me along the way. You also showed me by example how to have a sense of self determination and grit. I will always be indebted to you for that.

While you are certainly under no obligation to respond to me, I’ll be in Texas a few times this year and would love to buy you a cup of coffee if you are open to it. I want to wish you nothing but happiness and the very best.

Joey

Here’s to the 12 steps of deconstruction?

:end transmission:

22:53 - 04.13.25

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