u2october's Diaryland Diary


Puerto Rico Sans Kids

I find myself once again at 1am on a Saturday night at 1am(As we used to say in the pizza business, it isn't the next day until you go to sleep) at the shelter where I work once or twice a month. Earlier today, we drove up to my in-laws(or former in-laws?) for a family hangout. It was actually pretty nice. The boys had a blast playing with their cousins(or 2nd cousins) and we got to catch up with Jess' aunts and uncles after a five year gap.

The only weird thing is that I think sometimes when we're at stuff like today, Jess wishes Dan was with her and the kids instead of me. I know I'm probably being a little paranoid, but I can't shake the feeling every time we're with her family now.

Then there's the whole Puerto Rico situation.

For the last few months, we've been trying to figure out how to put together a trip to the beach with the boys this summer, because we've promised them that we'll take them. It was going to take some fenagling, but I was pretty sure I had held back enough cash from cashing out my profit-sharing plan to make it happen. Then, one night a few weeks ago I get a text from Jess while she's staying overnight at Dan's asking if I'll be mad if she goes to Puerto Rico with Dan for 5 days in July.

Oh, and it's only going to cost $1100...per person. I didn't want to have that conversation over text, and definitely not while she was sitting next to Dan, but she kept pushing, so I finally just said, I'm not sure we can do both trips. She got pretty upset and accused me of derailing any plans she made with Dan, and that she told me about the cost earlier(she did not). I finally texted back an hour later and said, "fine, we'll figure it out."

The only thing we've figured out(or I've figured out) is that there is no way we're going to be able to take the boys to the beach this summer, but hey, at least Jess and Dan will get a nice 5 day stay at an ocean front condo with a rental car and a trip to the glow in the dark bay, and a guided rainforest tour with waterfalls, etc. while I watch our kids and get to explain to them that we can't go to the beach this summer because mom decided that going with Dan without them was more important.

This is going to do wonders for the complex they've already developed that she cares more about her relationship with her boyfriend than with them. In the meantime, I'm just going to keep focusing on spending as much time with them and working on becoming the best version of myself. Sometimes, that's the best we can do.

:end transmission:

00:59 - 06.18.23


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