u2october's Diaryland Diary


Half Past Midnight

It’s half-past midnight. I’m laying in bed with Jess asleep next to me. She keeps asking me to sleep up here, and I keep obliging. I know I probably should just go back to my room in the basement.

But I can’t.

She told me that what she really wants is for Dan to propose to her and for them to be together. She said this moments after I poured my heart out and did everything short of begging her to not give up on our relationship.

She doesn’t seem to realize that perhaps that might hurt me in any way. She’s made it clear that she wants him and not me. But he isn’t leaving his shitty relationship. So I’m still here to comfort her, be her support, her biggest fan, her fulfiller of sexual needs. But not her partner.

I know I should stop going along with it, that I should move on.

But I can’t.

I’ve put in too much time, effort, love, pain. It’s not enough.

So here I am, half past midnight. Laying in bed with Jess asleep next to me.

Very much alone.

:end transmission:

00:29 - 01.31.23


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