u2october's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paging Mr. Robert Johnson Life is fucking strange. It's been a few weeks since I returned from taking the kids to Texas and the only thing I can think about is how to get back. Is it nostalgia, wanderlust, a midlife crisis, or just the musings of a certifiably mentally unstable person? Probably. I've been spending a lot of time under the plentiful forest canopies in this region. The forest is where I have always gone when I am unsure of what my next move should be. And boy howdy, am I ever perplexed about my next move on this chessboard of life. In hindsight, life before I became a parent made decision-making much lesson of a challenge, although I rarely saw it that way in the moment. If I were evaluating my current situation as a childless adult, my decision would be easy - I'd already have moved back to Texas, or maybe even to Tulsa to keep my best friend company. But life isn't that simple. I have three kids who I love and value more than I value myself, and I don't want to lose them, but the law dictates that I will lose them at least half of the time. Divorce sucks. I also recognize that I'm not doing them any favors if I don't care for myself, and I know that living here doesn't make me happy. Everyone is so burned out, and the concept of friendship here is not the same as it is back home. Home. Now that is an interesting subject. I have been away from Texas a full one-third of my life and this place doesn't feel like home. Everything feels surface-level here. Even the people who I know care about me still feel like strangers. I'm sure that is likely more on me than them, but the fact remains. I'm not sure what will transpire this year, but I know I am at a crossroads in my life. So here I am, shooting up a flare to the universe. I'll wait for your guidance. :end transmission: 21:09 - 07.28.24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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