u2october's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Glutton for Undying Cyclical Love It’s been 13 months since Jess said she wanted to separate, and 10 months since she said she wanted a divorce so she could be with that other guy. I have tried like hell to move the fuck on, but there is an internal thing going on that will not let me close that door. I’m going to find an apartment, or a boat to live on, but I have started writing secret letters to Jess as time goes along. If the universe decides to reunite us in this life cycle, I will give them to her. If not, they will go unread with me to the next cycle. Here is my latest entry: Jess, You just returned from your overnight trip with him. I still haven't figured out a way to tell some very real concerns that I have been harboring which have recently been confirmed independently by a few different people who brought their concerns to me without me asking. I don't trust him. There has always been something I can't put my finger on since the beginning, but I thought it was just me being my paranoid self or jealousy rearing it's ugly head. However, two different people have mentioned the exact concern without me asking, and one of them is one of our children. It is easy to hide your true self for a long time if you only have to do it for shorter periods of time. I have caught glimpses of the mask slipping here and there, but I feel like the truth will only come out if you are able to spend constant time living with him. I just fear that his true self will be hurtful to you and our kids. I could very well be wrong, but another mutual friend recently confided in me that they have always felt something felt off about him. I just don't want you to get hurt. I suppose we'll see how this letter ages, but in the end, I want you to find happiness. I love you in this, and every lifetime. Joey And yes, I am definitely a glutton for punishment. :end transmission: 13:31 - 10.08.23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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